The Glory Hound Wrestling With Jesus

I want to follow up on my last entry. I received some helpful and encouraging feedback and I want to flesh out what I have been wrestling with. Everything I wrote on my last post is how I feel, but not what is true. I was recently reminded that I have been successful. A lot of great things have happened to me. I have a great family, I have graduate degree and I am throwing my life into a church I believe in and love. But, the fundamental issue I am wrestling with is my heart. A heart that always wants more. A heart that will not be satisfied until it finds rest in Jesus (Props to St. Augustine). God is stripping away my layers of self-reliance and refining my heart in the fires of His loving will for me. Anyway, it has been really good for me to face my ungratefulness. It is also painful to see your own heart. Through this all it has caused me to turn to Jesus in a deeper, more profound way.

Movie in the park

Last night, our church put on a free movie for the community of Hanover. No, it wasn't the Ten Commandments or Ben Hur. Actually we watched Willy Wonka and The Chocolate Factory with Gene Wilder. Our church put the movie on to say to the community of Hanover that we are here to serve and love you. We were very encouraged by the turnout. We hope to make this a semi-regular thing. Being the church for the unchurched is hard. Especially if you have grown up in a Christian sub-culture like I have. But, I am convinced we need to be the church for those who don't know Jesus yet.

Glory Hound

For sometime I have been struggling with this intense desire to be significant. In February I turn 30. To be honest, I am pretty scared about this. I am not getting any younger and I feel up to this point in my life I have not done anything significant. If you would have asked me two years ago where I wanted to be in five years, I didn't care and I didn't know. At 29, I am still wrestling and curious what the future holds, but I really care about who I am going to be and what type of ministry I am going to have. I don't deny the call on my life to minister to people right now in Hanover, PA. Secretly, I hope God will use this time of confusion and uncertainty to train me for a position of influence within my narrow church world. However, a deeper, more disturbing question is beginning to surface through the cracks of this self-centered hope, "What if you never become successful?" This is a question I am wrestling with. I know the answer in my head, but my heart is so slow and often resistant to accept it. It is causing me to wrestle with who I am and why this desire is so strong in my life. But more importantly, it is causing me to wrestle with who God is, my heart towards Him and His will for my life. A friend of mine recently said, "God is shattering your dreams, to give you new dreams." He is right, but it is hard. Dying to what you think you want your life to be is humbling, confusing and completely out of my hands.

Oakland

I wanted to give you an update on our Oakland trip. I think the trip went well. It especially stretched the group from our church. The trip was quite simple. In the morning we put on a Vacation Bible School. In the afternoon we went to different ministries All Nations partners with and prayed for them. We did the work of the church - evangelism and prayer. Both the VBS and the prayer times stretched each of us in different ways. The VBS went well. We averaged about 12 kids per day. Several of the kids who came do not have a church home. All Nations was excited at this opportunity.

Being exposed to people of different cultures and backgrounds was a challenge for them. As many of you know I love food. I especially love Thai and Indian. As part of the trip, I wanted the group to be exposed to not only the different cultures of Oakland, but the food as well. So, five out of the six nights we were there we planned on eating at a different ethnic restaurants each night. For most of them it was a stretch. Most people were relieved when Wednesday rolled around and we dropped the Thai night and had American.

On Friday, we took the group to San Francisco. We not only toured the city, but also spent some time praying for it. On one part of the tour, we went to the "Gay Mecca" - The Castro. It was very interesting to see the reactions from our group. Most of the group were appalled by those in the gay life style. It was a great opportunity to talk about the Gospel and our brokenness as people. The missionary we partnered with in Oakland and I were able to express how we are no different then those struggling with their sexual identity. But, we are all broken and trying to making life work a part from Christ.

I think our trip showed us how God is building the Kingdom in the Bay Area. I hope our group will come back to Hanover with a renewed desire to see the kingdom built here.