Glory Hound

For sometime I have been struggling with this intense desire to be significant. In February I turn 30. To be honest, I am pretty scared about this. I am not getting any younger and I feel up to this point in my life I have not done anything significant. If you would have asked me two years ago where I wanted to be in five years, I didn't care and I didn't know. At 29, I am still wrestling and curious what the future holds, but I really care about who I am going to be and what type of ministry I am going to have. I don't deny the call on my life to minister to people right now in Hanover, PA. Secretly, I hope God will use this time of confusion and uncertainty to train me for a position of influence within my narrow church world. However, a deeper, more disturbing question is beginning to surface through the cracks of this self-centered hope, "What if you never become successful?" This is a question I am wrestling with. I know the answer in my head, but my heart is so slow and often resistant to accept it. It is causing me to wrestle with who I am and why this desire is so strong in my life. But more importantly, it is causing me to wrestle with who God is, my heart towards Him and His will for my life. A friend of mine recently said, "God is shattering your dreams, to give you new dreams." He is right, but it is hard. Dying to what you think you want your life to be is humbling, confusing and completely out of my hands.